I'm going to recommit to this not talking thing. I'm going to remind myself that i dragged the relationship on out of habit and fear, not because he was right for me. I'm going to cut off contact, not until some silly toy if built, but when i can think about talking to him without wanting to win him back. Maybe when it stops hurting. If i never talk to him again, that's just how it has to be.
i say this every time i finish talking to him.
I can't believe i haven't changed in 5 years. Him telling me that i have... just lies, fooling myself. Been fooling myself that i was different and could maintain a relationship. I can't let myself ignore these issues anymore.
OMG i want to die so much right now. It HURTS. and i caused it. I am the maker of all this pain. And it hurts so much i just want to die and be free of it.
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