Day 0 restart

I should not have told Jason about this blog. Should I keep writing in it like he won't see it?

Today, I have been talking to Jason all day, but I have nothing to talk about. I didn't realize before that we didn't have that much in common. We just liked to do things the other person wanted. I'm starting to consider that advice I got at the beginning, that maybe I shouldn't keep trying to hold onto this relationship. I don't seem to be capable of caring for someone.

That, and maybe I'm falling back into my depressive stage. There's no point to any of this. I guess this is the attitude that Jason is now free of.

Am I just fishing from sympathy now that Jason is reading? I hate that I have to consider that now... i guess if I really hated it I could just change the privacy settings. Our conversation yesterday reminded me why I need to start ignoring him again.  I have no answers for him yet, and it just hurts. And now to add to that I am also confused because I have half processed some things.

Work sucks again. Can't finish anything. No one to talk to. Living at home in this mess again. Unfinished projects. Maybe Jason was just a distraction from facing life. This is life. This is what I didn't want. The kid isn't even making me happy right now. He's just annoying, and mostly he's not my kid so I have no control over anything. I know I wasn't handed a life as bad as other people have had, but I don't know how to work through it.

I hate feeling like this. I rather feel nothing. Instead I'll cry.