It won't stop snowing.

I've shut myself in. Honestly, i could just put on some boots and go out if i wanted. It's no one's fault but mine that i'm going crazy inside. I guess i have problems with my mom in my head, and i can feel guilty all on my own. I don't want to do housework; i just don't feel like it. Maybe i'm just a lazy spoiled kid. I don't want to do anything but hit the next button on my shows. Actually, I don't think i'm even watching. It's a funny show and i don't think i've laughed once at it. (Yeah, that's not really a problem. It just throws things out of proportion.)

I imagine telling my mom that i'm going out and can only think of the look she'd give me. Would she really give me that look? I always see it in my head, but block it out when it really happens. I've only seen Jason 2 times this week. Did we go on a date last Saturday? I think i was cleaning. I went over in the morning, but she doesn't know that. 2 times, and as far as she knows, none of that has been alone. But why do we need time alone, right? Too early for intimancy.

There's just some things that I don't need to let her know. If i told her what staying in was doing to me, she'd probably think it was okay to go out in the snow. But i cannot imagine trying to explain crazy to her. She completely denies existence of the crazy. I should be helping around the house; i don't do it even if i'm home. If I go out, then i don't feel bad about not helping. It was nice when my cousin was here. We had to go out even if it was snowing because they're only here for 4 days, so we have to get in all the siteseeing.

Anyway, i'll probably try going outside today. or clean my room. or both.