Day 1 said goodbyes

I was thinking earlier today that i wouldn't have made it but to my surprise today was rather easy. Every time i considered contacting Jason, or wanting to go over to his house, i remembered how it would feel in the long run -- terrible. Last night Jason was telling me how he just wanted to feel me laying next to him. I miss that, too. However, i'm not going to let myself indulge because i need to get used to how it will be from now on. It is lost and i can't look back.

Not to say today was easy though. It was a hard functioning kind of day. It hurts to be reminded that there is no more future "us". It is dead, done, and over. All the words hurt though. Half of my life crumbled away. It's like... i was making cracks this whole time. Cracks and patching, then just breaking breaking... and then putting a whole bunch into mending. But then the glue was too heavy, and i was only fixing the cracks. It broke at the joint and shattered. That's it. Gone forever. There isn't going to be another half to replace it. Just have to build up what's left to fill the void.