what i wish he would see, so he would know how wrong i am

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

200 pieces

I counted all the pieces. 20 more days to go. I'm really scared. I'm scared that in 20 days I won't be looking forward to seeing him. What if he doesn't want to see me? I shouldn't have counted the blocks. Now we'll be counting days and not moving on.

I start thinking: what's the point of this exercise if i know i won't be over him? But i can't let myself guess the end. The reason i'm doing this exercise is because i know we can't be together. This is supposed to make it easier. I shouldn't be happy about having such a short time. What will happen when the day comes? It's not like we're going to make love. Our relationship will still be the same -- dead. Hopefully that will be the day we can both move on.

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