Reality and Happiness

I'm starting to open my eyes to the world. At every instant, i sinks in how much i am NOT living in reality right now. I like my world, the way it looks to me, but right now I'm somewhere in between. I see what i used to be, where i want to be; I'm starting to see where i belong. I keep wishing i could go back, but it's impossible. It just looks like my simple world is better, happier. However, I know Jason is on the other side. I need to be there with him. And even though i can't see it yet, there are many other good things waiting there.
I don't think I need these hidden messages anymore. They're tedious, anyway.
I feel like i'm a happy person, most the time. I imagine the trade off is intermittent bouts of sadness. I'm really sorry that Jason has to go through those with me. I love him so much. Maybe falling in love is what made me realize how selfish i was being in the first place. I want to be strong for him; I want to be the one that makes him happier despite anything that comes in life. He's brought me into consciousness, and with this i believe that i CAN change myself. I can learn to control my emotions and stop the cycle. I'll wake up, and grow up, and hope I don't drive him away before that happens.
I'll find somewhere else to dump the sadness, just not on him, anymore.
You hear that, Jasey? I love you. I have never been more thankful for anything in my life than meeting you.